I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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