Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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