If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
