I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
