Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
