OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Did I show you my penis last night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
