I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
