What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
