yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
