he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How does one acquire holy water?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
