My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
