Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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