i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
