I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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