Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
