my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
