Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
