Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
