just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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