dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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