i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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