I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
