My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love you.
Bad choice
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
