Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
