Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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