I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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