dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
