How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
