fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
