I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
