How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
