Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
