she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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