And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
