she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
