if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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