How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
