Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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