i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
