Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
