I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
