Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just invented taco cereal.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
