He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
