he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
