How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
