And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
