It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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