he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
