Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
