just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
