if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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