I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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