Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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