At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
