You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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