'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
